​By the happynesswalas™, Vaani and AVIS

8-minute read
Synopsis:
Live meaningfully. Do what you love doing and makes you happy. Do it very, very well. Stay true to what you believe in. Don’t chase rewards, recognition or even worldly success. When they come, embrace them with humility. But don’t chase them. When you live Life this way, what you set out to do will most likely outlive you. It will touch people’s lives for a long, long time, in more ways than you can ever imagine. This is how you make your one Life count. This is how you live happily.

​Style guide: Vaani and AVIS spell Life with a capital ‘L’ and Happiness with a capital ‘H’. This is because both of them believe that Life is the greatest teacher and Happiness is the biggest wealth. However, when quoting the subjects of their writings, they use these two words without the accentuated capitalization of their first letters.

​How do we live meaningfully? This blog post explores the answer to this question. It does that through paying tribute to Sudha Mahesh, a legendary educator.

Sudha was the founder of the Chennai-based HLC International School (HLC). She passed away last week. She was 76. Sudha and the remarkable institution she founded in January 1995 were the subjects of a biography that we wrote in 2021. The biography is titled ‘At The Heart Of A Head Start’.

To us, her biographers, Sudha was a quiet force. She reimagined education and relentlessly, silently, worked on transforming it.
​
To almost everyone else, she was Sudha Aunty. She loved children. And she lived a Life of purpose, consistently doing the one thing she strongly believed in:  Enabling children to be happy, have fun and learn through play.

On January 20, 1995, Sudha set up Headstart Nursery and Primary School in a two-room space in Thiruvanmiyur, Chennai. Sudha’s husband C.N.U. Maheswaran (Mahesh) supported her endeavor wholeheartedly. By then Sudha had been a teacher for close to two decades. Her idea of setting up a school, she told us, was not to be in the business of education. So, right at the beginning, Sudha resolved that Headstart will be:

• A happy place – where children always felt at home.
• Inclusive – where not just children with special physical needs but even those who felt excluded anywhere else felt comfortable, felt wanted.
• Focused only on activity-based learning.

​Over the past three decades, Sudha’s venture has evolved into a center of excellence. It has become HLC, an institution that serves as a social incubator today. HLC offers an environment where children are inspired and enabled to be better leaders, responsible citizens and better human beings.

​Sudha’s beautiful Life carries an important message: Live meaningfully. As you read on, we hope you will be inspired by her journey and what you can learn from it. 

Listen to your heart, witness your design play out
As we see it, Sudha’s Life is a perfect example of what the 13th century Persian poet Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi had to say about human journeys. We are paraphrasing him here: ‘Each one has been made for a particular work. And the desire for that work has been placed in each heart. Listen to your heart.’

​We will soon see how Sudha’s story connects to this Rumi verse. But first, here’s an interesting anecdote from her Life that tells us how she became a teacher.

A lady named Lakshmi Radhakrishnan was Sudha and Mahesh’s neighbor in Chennai in the 1970s.  Lakshmi had great admiration for Sudha’s parenting style. She felt that Sudha and Mahesh’s children, Ashwin and Naveen, always came across as happy, curious, well mannered and gentle. It was Lakshmi who encouraged Sudha to enroll for a teacher-training program. Sudha ended up topping her class at the training program. Impressed, the conductor of the program set up an interview for Sudha at the storied Vidya Mandir School. The interview, according to Sudha, did not go well. She felt that the interviewer had made her very nervous. True to her style, she even told him that! Confident that she was not likely to get the job, Sudha traveled with Mahesh and the children to Bengaluru for a short vacation. But the management of Vidya Mandir thought otherwise. They made an offer to her and asked her to join immediately. Cutting short her trip, Sudha rushed back to Chennai and took up her first job. She joined Vidya Mandir as a teacher on January 5, 1976.

“I had no plans to be a teacher. I became one, well, accidentally,” she told us when we were interviewing her for the book on her and HLC.

Clearly, Sudha had listened to her heart while accepting the offer from Vidya Mandir. But if you pause and reflect, you can also see Life’s serendipitous nature at work here. It artistically, stealthily, ensured that an ordinary homemaker and mother was drawn into the world of teaching. Because she belonged to this world. Also because this world needed her. This is why we believe that what Rumi has said rings true in Sudha’s case.

Surely, teaching went on to shape Sudha’s Life. But something more profound has happened over time. Through Sudha’s stellar contributions and her Life’s work, the fields of teaching and education have been significantly transformed. In the time that it has been around, HLC has been purposefully reimagining education. It has been enabling authentic learning and leadership in children. The HLC way of Life has been embraced not just by teachers, children and their parents, but also by contemporary educators and institutions. We will paraphrase another Rumi verse to explain why we believe Sudha’s work has had such a profound impact: She simply ‘allowed herself to be drawn silently by the strange pull of what she loved doing. It never led her astray.’

And that’s our learning here. We must remember that, for each of us, our cosmic design is playing out continuously. Or, in other words, Life is constantly executing its mandate for us through us. We can be happy, content and peaceful while we witness our designs playing out by listening to our hearts, by relentlessly doing what we love very, very well. Our role on this planet is to just be led by Life. And that’s what Sudha did exceptionally well.

Let us further understand this aspect of Sudha’s Life. You see, she was a teacher for almost 50 years. In this time, the world has become more confused, fickle and pretentious. Everyone’s working very hard to demonstrate that they are more successful and famous than everyone else. Yet Sudha never walked in the direction of seeking fame or demonstrating success. She stayed focused on children. The child, the learner, was always at the center of her universe – not HLC’s management, not the curriculum.

​We must highlight an ironical coincidence here. Sudha’s obituary announcement appeared in a leading newspaper in Chennai last week. Interestingly, another school had placed a full-page ad on the adjacent page of the newspaper. That ad championed the school’s value proposition and carried a picture of its founder. The two founders could not have had more contrasting ideologies. We believe that Sudha may have never been comfortable promoting herself or HLC that way. In fact, she was never on social media. So she had no social media following. Yet, she leaves behind a glorious community of followers. So many, many, many people whose lives she shaped when they were children are leaders in their own spaces today. Some of these people are even working on making our world a better place. That Sudha has been able to achieve this level of influence in her lifetime is what living meaningfully really means.

​Family support is a big enabler
Sudha’s journey could not have been possible without Mahesh choosing to walk with her, every step of the way. In fact, their companionship is a wonderful example of how partners must support each other in Life. In the first part of their journey, Sudha played the anchor’s role. This enabled Mahesh to grow in his career. But when Sudha expressed her desire to set up a school of her own, Mahesh too quit his job with a multinational tyre company. He wanted to be with her, to enable and support her vision. “There was no hesitancy, no self-doubt. We simply went ahead with our plans. We employed a simple principle – we knew that whatever was happening had divine sanction,” Mahesh had told us in 2021.

As HLC grew, while Sudha focused on the school’s students and the education they received, Mahesh’s sharp focus was on the nuts and bolts of running the school’s operation. He led the administration, finance and accounting functions. To many at HLC, Mahesh is Mr. Unflappable. His trademark equanimity always shone through every crisis that the institution has faced and overcome. These are his favorite two words: “Divine sanction.” They reflect an undeniable truth about how the universe operates. They also point to how Sudha’s design has played out and how he has had an important part to play in her Life.

Now, HLC as an idea could have well ended with Sudha and Mahesh. But Sudha’s intent behind setting it up in the first place had great integrity. Which is why it will live on beyond her. In fact, Life has willed it that way. That’s perhaps why Sudha and Mahesh’s second son Naveen and his wife Raaji joined HLC as partners in purpose after they moved back to India from the US in 2005. They have admirably built on the solid foundation that Sudha and Mahesh had laid. This second couple have transformed Sudha’s modest venture to the HLC of today.

​Our learning here is that the support from family plays a huge role in making people’s purposeful ideas grow and last. This opportunity is often squandered by families. Either because families don’t understand what is being attempted by one of their members or because they misunderstand them and their intent. Well, no family is perfect. Differences in outlooks, ideologies, tastes and priorities are likely to exist. These may divide people. Yet like-minded family members share a unique, natural bond between them. This bond is their secret ingredient to creating value – for themselves and for the world. What Sudha, Mahesh, Naveen and Raaji have demonstrated through HLC is how this bond can be nurtured and preserved for a larger cause. What must be remembered, importantly, is that their family had a larger cause to focus on. And that’s only because of Sudha’s quiet leadership and sense of purpose. 

​Staying true to what you believe in
For Sudha, the very reason for her being – for her creation, for her role as a professional, as a teacher – was to only do what is right by the child. Doing right by someone means taking great care to be kind to them. Sudha had made this a fine art at HLC.

Whoever we spoke to for our book told us that:

• She was compassion personified.
• She never stopped innovating to make learning simple and fun for the learner, the child.

We recall our conversation with Yashasvini Rajeshwar who studied at HLC. She had shared this anecdote: “On one occasion, when I was in Grade 6, I took an eraser out of my classmate’s pencil box without her permission. The girl protested and complained about me to Sudha Aunty. I can still vividly remember how Aunty handled the conversation with me. No, she did not reprimand me. She did not talk down to me. She spoke to me. Years later, now, when I look back at that incident, I realize that Sudha Aunty had that day taught me how to respect privacy and value consent. She had seeded these principles in me by taking time to sit with me and by being kind, gentle and empathetic with me. She saw a 11-year-old and treated me as a human being. I was not a student, I was a person in that space.”

​During another interview for the book, we had asked a close friend of Sudha and Mahesh, N.C. Raghava, to describe her. He had replied enthusiastically: “She is, well, affection, affection, affection…she is an embodiment of affection! She constantly wants to ensure everyone’s well-being.”

​Even so, Sudha considered herself to be pretty tough and pushy. In one of our interviews, she told us that she was steadfast about doing what was in the best interests of the children at HLC. She added that while she was open to hearing all ideas, she always insisted that people must convince her if she needed to review an approach or idea that impacted children. She also took great pride in her work. She once painstakingly explained to us how she had innovated and made math fun for children. She need not have gone into so much detail. But she insisted on presenting her teaching methodology that way. We understood that this assertive dimension of her leadership style was coming from the deep conviction she had in what she was doing. This is true of most people who have a strong sense of purpose. They are invested in the why of their work. That matters more to them than what they will gain from doing that work.

Internalizing the message of Sudha’s Life 
One of our favorite quotes of Sudha that we have used in ‘At The Heart Of A Head Start’ is this: “The HLC story is that of an ordinary teacher who chose to put the learner at the centre of the universe. It is the story of ordinary people who worked together with extraordinary discipline, dedication and devotion to the cause of doing right by the child. When you work with such integrity and passion, something meaningful, something of lasting value, is always created.”

This quote aptly sums up Sudha’s era and her contributions to HLC’s journey. But while human beings die, the institutions that they set up often live on – particularly when they are driven by purpose and are guided by a sound set of values. HLC is one of those institutions. It is built to last.

When we got the news that Sudha had passed away, AVIS summed up her Life with a couplet written by the revered Bollywood lyricist and poet Majrooh Sultanpuri: ‘Main akela hi chala tha janib-e-manzil, magar log saath aathe gaye aur karwaan banta gaya.’

Specifically in Sudha’s context, the couplet means: ‘I set out alone, without knowing where I am headed. But people joined along the way and soon we had become a movement.’

Majrooh’s words truly highlight how Life works – particularly when someone listens to their heart and allows their purpose to lead them. They also amplify the message of Sudha’s Life: Live meaningfully.

Here’s how you may want to internalize this message in your Life’s context: Do what you love doing and makes you happy. Do it very, very well. Stay true to what you believe in. Don’t chase rewards, recognition or even worldly success. When they come, embrace them with humility. But don’t chase them. When you live Life this way, what you set out to do will most likely outlive you. It will touch people’s lives for a long, long time, in more ways than you can ever imagine. This is how you make your one Life count. This is how you live happily. 

[Vaani and AVIS are the happynesswalas™. They are expert writers and biographers, accomplished speakers and conversationalists, and culture specialists. To know their fascinating story, click here.] 

​By the happynesswalas™, Vaani and AVIS

2-minute read
​Synopsis:
No matter how talented and successful you are, you have to go through what you have to go through. So learn to accept pain and be happy despite the circumstances. Be happy with what you have. Also, learn to appreciate the impermanence of everything: Of Life itself surely. Also, of name, fame, wealth, success and glory. And of failure too. Focus instead on what you love doing and do it very, very well. Simply, if you create great, unputdownable work, both you and your work will be remembered. Forever.
​

​Style guide: Vaani and AVIS spell Life with a capital ‘L’ and Happiness with a capital ‘H’. This is because both of them believe that Life is the greatest teacher and Happiness is the biggest wealth. However, when quoting the subjects of their writings, they use these two words without the accentuated capitalization of their first letters.

We love R.D. Burman (Pancham).

It is his birthday today. We celebrated it by listening to his music over coffee this morning.

When ‘Tujhse naaraz nahin zindagi, hairaan hoon main’ (‘Masoom’, 1983, Gulzar, Anup Ghoshal, Lata Mangeshkar) played, we paused the song to look up the lyrics.

​All of what Gulzar has written is powerful. But these two lines stand out:
‘Tujhse naaraz nahin zindagi, hairaan hoon main…’
‘Jeene ke liye, socha hi nahin, dard sambhalne honge...’
They mean:
‘I am not angry with you Life, I am baffled (by you)…’
‘I never imagined that I will have to deal with pain in order to live (during the course of Life)…’​

​Pain is non-negotiable
Gulzar makes a very important point: You cannot negotiate with pain. And pain is integral to the process of Life. His lyrics convey the sense of stark bewilderment that all of us go through when we encounter pain in our Life.

Well, obviously, nobody wants to deal with a painful situation. So we keep wishing that it just went away. We try to push it away. But Life doesn’t operate like that. A painful situation always arrives uninvited. And it stays on and on and on. Simply, you cannot negotiate with pain. You have to accept it and cope with it till it goes away. Or, as it often happens in some situations, you have to learn to just co-live with your pain.

​It’s Pancham’s music that makes Gulzar’s lyrics memorable. That’s why we believe that Pancham was a genius. He not only made great music, he made sure his music seeped into and stayed on in the listener’s soul.  

​Life lessons from Pancham’s remarkable journey
Interestingly, Pancham too had to grapple with his share of pain: Although he had ruled Hindi film music for two decades, he struggled to get work in the last 10 years of his Life. Bappi Lahiri’s disco music had taken over and nobody wanted to touch Pancham. Chroniclers of Hindi cinema say that Pancham died a heartbroken man because he felt that the industry had abandoned him.

Yet, ironically but fittingly, recognition came Pancham’s way again – after his death. He died on January 4, 1994. The music of Vidhu Vinod Chopra’s ‘1942: A Love Story’ (Pancham’s last film) released a week later, on January 12, 1994. The album was a huge hit. It still remains an all-time favorite for generations of Hindi film music lovers.

Well, here’s what we can learn about Life from Pancham’s remarkable journey: No matter how talented and successful you are, you have to go through what you have to go through. So learn to accept pain and be happy despite the circumstances. Be happy with what you have. Also, learn to appreciate the impermanence of everything: Of Life itself surely. Also, of name, fame, wealth, success and glory. And even of failure. Focus instead on what you love doing and do it very, very well. Simply, if you create great, unputdownable work, both you and your work will be remembered. Forever.

​As the lines of another iconic Pancham song (‘Dharam Karam’, 1975, Majrooh Sultanpuri, Mukesh, Poornima) go:
‘Ik din bik jayega, maati ke mol, jag mein reh jayenge pyaare tere bol. Dooje ke honton ko dekar apne geet, koi nishaani chod, phir duniya se dol…’
These lines mean:
‘One day (when you die) you will be dust. What you will leave behind dear are your words (how you treated others). (So, make sure to) leave behind your music for others to sing, leave your mark, and then leave this world…’

[Vaani and AVIS are the happynesswalas™. They are expert writers and biographers, accomplished speakers and conversationalists, and culture specialists. To know their fascinating story, click here.] 

 

​By the happynesswalas™, Vaani and AVIS

7-minute read
Synopsis:
Having a companion who is willing to hold your hand, and your heart, through Life’s inscrutable journey, is a priceless blessing. It is Happiness.

​Now, you may meet a lot of people in Life. Some of these people may turn out to be good friends too. But beyond such friends, and close family, only a fellow voyager is a true, long-term companion. They alone walk alongside you, every step of the way – no matter what the circumstances are. Such companionship is possible only when both partners go beyond the event of falling in love, and continuously rise in love and stay loving.
When such companionship happens, any challenge can be patiently faced – and overcome – together. 

​Style guide: Vaani and AVIS spell Life with a capital ‘L’ and Happiness with a capital ‘H’. This is because both of them believe that Life is the greatest teacher and Happiness is the biggest wealth. However, when quoting the subjects of their writings, they use these two words without the accentuated capitalization of their first letters.

Our young friend Prashanth asked us a question the other day: “Don’t you ever get bored of each other?”

Prashanth is 25. We often meet him at our neighborhood grocery store. Sometimes we pause in the aisles to have a chat with him. We talk about the weather, cricket, movies, books and politics.

Of course, we found his question intriguing. Sensing this, he expanded on it: “I see you both always together. I wonder if you ever get bored of being with each other. Or is this what they call ‘true love’”?

We both smiled at each other and then at Prashanth. AVIS replied first: “Love is staying loving, no matter what the circumstances are or what’s happening around us. And staying loving is celebrating each other’s presence in our Life.” And Vaani added, “To us this means enjoying being with each other and being happy with what we have.” 

​Having known each other for 37 years and having lived together for 35 years, we have gone past the cliched state of ‘falling in love and being happily married ever after’. 

​Rise in love
We have come to believe that the popular definition of ‘falling in love’ restricts the entire process of romance to a single event – to when the ‘falling’ happened. Also, marriage signifies a second, defining and epochal event. And then it is as if it is all over. The romance is done and dusted with marriage. Besides, over time, the marriage grows older and, in most cases, it is therefore boring.

But, interestingly, that’s not how we have experienced each other and our being together, our companionship.

We married in February 1989 to fulfill societal norms that were tough to negotiate back then. AVIS was 21 and Vaani was 22. We had a lot of fun growing up together. We built a family and home with our two beautiful children. We traveled the world and ran a successful pan-India business in the first 19 years of our Life as a couple. And then, over the next 18 years, up until now, we have been enduring a prolonged bankruptcy.

Yet, in all this time, we haven’t quite grown bored of each other. We believe we have celebrated our lows as much as we have celebrated our highs. Now, a bankruptcy can take a huge toll on a family: It is not really the lack of money alone that is crippling. Those experiencing the situation are crushed emotionally. And, when it spans two decades, everyone has grown older and has lost several precious years dealing with a complex Life situation.

Many relationship experts have talked about a couple breaking up when a crisis hits them. We have seen it happen to couples around us too. But we both have not just survived, we are thriving through our crisis. And if there is one reason why we believe this is happening, it is because we have stayed loving.

Loving, yes, in the present continuous tense. Clearly, we didn’t just stop with falling in love, we have continued to rise in love. We learned about rising in love from one of Osho’s discourses. He asks in it, profoundly:  “People who fall in love have every chance of falling out of love. But what if people rise in love all the time?”

​We could instantly relate to that perspective. We are the rising-in-love type in every possible way. 

​The importance of companionship
Now, is it possible for everyone to find love, stay loving and rise in love?

Before we answer that question, let us understand why companionship is important in Life.

Anyone who has reflected on the process of Life will know that it is completely inscrutable. Life guarantees us nothing. And yet it continuously surprises us.

When you like the surprises you receive you believe that Life’s beautiful. That’s when you are getting what you want. You are then happy and think that you are in control of your Life. Having a companion by your side further accentuates the high you are experiencing. In such times, you are also surrounded by many other people who you think like you and love you: Friends, extended family, business associates and hangers-on.

But, as it always happens, over time, Life changes. You may be saddled with what you don’t want or you may not get what you want. Also, despite all your efforts, integrity and intelligence, you simply can’t gain control of your Life. This phase may sometimes last for a long, long time. You also then discover that all the people who were around you have now drifted away. For some people, their companion too has moved on. You find that you are very unhappy and lonely. That’s really when you long for love, understanding and companionship.

Importantly, having a companion who is willing to hold your hand, and your heart, through the darkness, is a priceless blessing. A companion does not necessarily have a magic wand to solve Life’s problems, but their presence in your Life is magical. It makes the toughest of journeys bearable and meaningful.

Now, you may meet a lot of people in Life. Some of these people may turn out to be good friends too. But beyond such friends, and close family, only a fellow voyager is a true, long-term companion. They alone walk alongside you, every step of the way.

​True companionship has no label. It is free of restrictive societal frameworks. It has no gender bias. It just calls for both partners to walk together. It requires them to go beyond the event of falling in love, and perhaps of marriage too, and continuously rise in love and stay loving.

​Understanding what loving is
When such companionship happens there is no boredom. There’s only loving and Happiness, 24/7. Any challenge then can be patiently faced – and overcome – together.

We use the word loving consciously. It is above the idea of love, the noun. Loving is a verb, in the present, continuous tense. Loving is a continuous flowing of love. It is a celebration of each other’s presence no matter what the circumstances are.

You see, when two young people meet, and are drawn to each other, there is usually a physical quality to the attraction between them. But when they spend more and more time with each other, the physical attraction begins to wear off. Simply, it is not only great sex that they are looking for from each other. The couple may not be able to always articulate their feelings clearly. But what they are looking for is a more engaged presence, a deeper friendship, an unrestricted companionship between them. This shift in needs is quite natural. Besides, over the years, how people look also changes. They often put on weight as they grow older. Now, if the relationship between two people was based on how they once looked, these physical changes will begin to take a toll on their relationship.

Additionally, the circumstances in anyone’s Life are constantly changing. The couple may come by more career growth, wealth, prosperity, fame and power. Or they may lose all that they once had. Or one of them may have a serious, debilitating health condition or an addiction that holds them hostage. Or each person in the relationship thinks the other has changed because of the circumstances.

Which is, overall, you begin to feel that the person that you fell in love with is no longer the person you are living with.

​But what if you saw the whole situation differently? Is the person you were loving back then someone that you are still loving now? The emphasis is on the loving. Not on the looks. Not on the circumstances. The act of loving takes many factors into account: Is this person understanding, is this person caring, is this person feeling, is this person listening? Is this person there for you – always? And are you, in turn, understanding, caring, feeling and listening? Are you there for this person – always? So, loving really means this: “I am loving you for who you have always been and are. It doesn’t matter if how you look has changed or what you do has changed or our circumstances have changed. What is important is that the way we are loving each other remains unchanged. It is the same as the way we were loving each other back when we first met.”
If the loving has not changed over time, it may not change in the future too. But if the loving has changed, then the couple must sit down and talk about it: Calmly, candidly, compassionately. This must happen over several mature conversations. And either they must agree to revive the way they can stay loving or they must choose to move on. The single criteria governing that choice must be their mutual and collective Happiness.
To stay loving is to rise in love. Loving does not need any societal approval like the stamp of a marriage. Importantly, marriage does not necessarily make a couple happy or loving. And to stay loving and happy a couple don’t need to be married. Look around you. Consider the stories of a few couples you know. And you will find this truth staring you in the face. On the other hand, it is companionship, and companionship alone, that inspires loving and Happiness.   

​Let the celebrations never stop
Loving also means always making the time to celebrate momentous milestones and memories, however simply.

AVIS proposed to Vaani on Monday, February 22, 1988, under a rain tree near her home in Chennai. He asked her, “Aren’t we getting dangerously close to each other?” And she replied instantly, looking into his eyes, “Yes.” However, it was only a week later, on the following Monday, February 29, 1988, that both of us firmly agreed to move forward with the idea of a Life together. We celebrated that moment with a box of Cadbury Nutties – the first gift that AVIS got Vaani.

Every leap year, we celebrate our decision to be together: Quietly, beautifully.

​This year we had a box of Cadbury Nutties marking that celebration. Nutties cost Rs.5 a pack back in 1988. A pack of Nutties costs Rs.45 now. In a sense, the price inflation mirrors our loving. Both have risen; but our loving has risen, well, limitlessly. 

Focus on the relating, not on the relationship
It is important to remember that each person’s Life journey is unique. Some people, like us both, find love, meaning and companionship early in Life – and find the loving flowing continuously. Some others find a loving companion but are not able to live with them. Some people get married and find their partner to be loving. Others in a similar context do not have the same experience. Some find companionship and love outside their marriage. Some get stuck in unhappy relationships and keep longing for love.

No matter what the context is, pausing to think deeply about Life helps. You will then realize that Life is a gift. And it is a limited-period offer. No one can afford to squander the time they have left on this planet.

​So, if you are unhappy in your relationship, or are seeking companionship, act now. Urgently. When there is no relating between two people, no matter what the relationship is called, the relationship is not just dysfunctional, it is dead. There is no point clinging on to a dead relationship if you can’t relate to the other person in it. You must simply let go of the relationship and move on.

And almost always, when you let go, when you uncling from a relationship, you will find a believing, trusting, loving companion waiting for you out there with open arms.

‘Humsafar’ is the word commonly used for companion in Hindi and Urdu. It denotes a soulmate and literally means fellow traveler or fellow voyager. It has Persian and Arabic origins. This word amplifies the point we have been making: Which is, the presence of a companion, a ‘humsafar’, a fellow voyager, makes this inscrutable journey of Life magical, beautiful and meaningful.

​Being together, staying loving and rising in love with this fellow voyager, on your Life’s journey, is what Happiness truly is. Now, when you are happy in someone’s presence, how can you ever be bored of them?

[Vaani and AVIS are the happynesswalas™. They are expert writers and biographers, accomplished speakers and conversationalists, and culture specialists. To know their fascinating story, click here.] 

​By the happynesswalas™, Vaani and AVIS

3-minute read
Synopsis:
Happiness is not really elusive.

​In the midst of running a never-ending marathon called daily Life, we must find a sliver of time to sit quietly with ourselves. Doing a simple, three-part, reflective exercise in this time can completely change our perspective about the Life we have.

It will leave us soaked in Happiness. 

​Style guide: Vaani and AVIS spell Life with a capital ‘L’ and Happiness with a capital ‘H’. This is because both of them believe that Life is the greatest teacher and Happiness is the biggest wealth. However, when quoting the subjects of their writings, they use these two words without the accentuated capitalization of their first letters.

​“It is so difficult to be happy in this wretched world,” said our radiologist.

We were consulting her. After reviewing our reports, she chatted with us, wanting to know more about us. When she heard that we are the happynesswalas™, she made that exasperated remark.

She further added: “I lost my mother recently and I am struggling to cope with that loss. My husband and I have grown very distant. My two children are always busy. They have no time for me. All our businesses are making losses. And we have way too much debt. On top of it all, to earn a living, I have to do more hospital visits daily. This means being stuck in traffic for more hours. It also means being heavily dependent on my unreliable maid and cook. That’s not something I like. I constantly feel overworked and overwhelmed!”

​This doctor’s lament is certainly not unique. What’s interesting is that she’s vocal about how she’s feeling. A majority of the people on the planet, however, are plodding along silently. 

​Running a never-ending marathon
A typical day in everyone’s Life is usually exhausting. It feels like you are running a never-ending marathon. This is particularly true for all those who are employed and live in an urban environment. You have to cook and clean, and cook and clean some more. You must struggle through traffic at least twice daily. Then there are enormous workplace pressures and unreasonable bosses to deal with. If you blink, bills become overdue and you must scramble to pay them. And if you have kids, you are spending hours ferrying them to school and back or for their endless extracurricular activities. Of course, there are societal pressures and appalling levels of public governance to contend with too.

Indeed, each day is tough on everyone – and it always seems a notch tougher than the previous day.

​On top of this daily stress overload that is non-negotiable for everyone, there are huge individual challenges to be dealt with. Someone’s fighting a cancer or some other grave health situation. Someone’s got complex financial issues. Or someone’s in a relationship that is going nowhere. Or someone has hit a career plateau. Someone else is out of job. Or someone in the family needs urgent care and attention. 

​Happiness is not really elusive
Clearly, Life never appears to be easy. And everyone feels beaten and emotionally broken at some point or the other when trying to cope with the upheavals of everyday living.

But this does not quite mean that you cannot be happy while earning a living and coping with the nasty curveballs that Life throws at you. On the contrary, we believe that no matter how hard Life may be, there is still an opportunity for each of us to be happy despite the circumstances.

Now, how do you discover this opportunity and seize it – daily?

Simply, you must change the way you think about your daily Life. Know that your Life’s events and contexts are not stacked up against you. They are just events and contexts. This is the truth. You are not alone; everyone out there is battling their own situations. This is also the truth. And you are not a victim. You are, in fact, a hero. Because to last each tough day, and to wake up afresh to take on the next tough one, is a great act of heroism. This is again the truth.

So be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And celebrate yourself.

​Remember: Working hard and staying afloat, so that you can earn a living and raise a family, is not just an ordinary battle for survival that you win daily. It is as big as winning a Grand Slam title in tennis or an Olympic gold medal – daily. Yet the world does not always recognize heroes among ordinary, everyday folks. Therefore, no one else is ever going to hail you as a hero. So you have to believe in your own heroic journey. And this is why you must pause to celebrate yourself. Daily. 

How to celebrate yourself
Celebrating yourself requires that you find a few minutes each day to sit quietly with yourself. Then, go through this three-part, reflective exercise:

• Reflect on all that you have accomplished in the last 24 hours. Count even the smallest achievements you have had in your context. Reflect also on all the people you love and who matter in your Life. Experience how you feel about these reflections.
• Then, reflect on all that you keep complaining about – what you don’t have. Also reflect on the people that don’t matter in your Life but who constantly demand your time and emotional energy. Experience how you feel about these reflections.
• Finally, ask yourself which set of reflections make you happy?

Surely, your daily accomplishments and the people who count in your Life make you feel very, very good. This simple exercise holds the key to being happy every day of your Life. You must make this exercise a daily habit. It teaches you to give more attention to all the people and activities that matter in your Life. This is how you learn to be happy despite your circumstances. Basically, this way you learn to be non-complaining and to be grateful for the Life you have. This is how you celebrate yourself. It makes you quietly, sublimely happy.

​It is a great feeling. Soak in it – daily. 

[Vaani and AVIS are the happynesswalas™. They are expert writers and biographers, accomplished speakers and conversationalists, and culture specialists. To know their fascinating story, click here.] 

 

​By the happynesswalas™, Vaani and AVIS

11-minute read
​Synopsis:
Balan Nair was a master of his craft, of the science of astrology. His greatest proficiency lay in his deep understanding of the process of Life, of the way we humans experience it.

He was our astrologer for close to two decades. Through our interactions with him, we learned to appreciate what Life is and how to cope with its inscrutability and upheavals.

​In this blog post, we share some key insights that we have gained from our conversations with Balan Nair. These are:  

• Our understanding of astrology and how we use it.
• How mastery is attained by taking what you love doing and making it your entire Life, your purpose.
• Why time, divinity and grace in Life must be respected and worshipped.
• How surrendering to Life’s flow leads to inner peace and Happiness. 

​Style guide: Vaani and AVIS spell Life with a capital ‘L’ and Happiness with a capital ‘H’. This is because both of them believe that Life is the greatest teacher and Happiness is the biggest wealth. However, when quoting the subjects of their writings, they use these two words without the accentuated capitalization of their first letters.

Our astrologer T. Balan Nair passed on earlier this week. He was 89.

In his passing away, we feel, an era has ended. Because he was the possibly the last master of the ethical practice of Vedic astrology as a science in the world. He was most likely the greatest astrologer of all time. Today’s generation may have called him GOAT.

​But Balan Nair was more than an astrologer to us. He was also a spiritual guide, a teacher and an inspiration. Through our interactions with him over two decades, we learned to appreciate what Life is and how to cope with its inscrutability and upheavals. 

​First meeting was an eye-opener
It was a friend who advised us to consult Balan Nair. This was in April 2004.

Around that time, things were beginning to go wrong at the world-class consulting firm that we ran. We had taken an ethical decision in April 2003 to separate from an unethical customer. Now, this customer accounted for a significant portion of our revenues. Resultantly, we brought in debt to bridge short-term operating cash requirements. We had a sharply defined purpose and a clear vision. And we never compromised on our values. So we expected our integrity, diligence and sincerity to pay off sooner than later. We believed that we would acquire new customers to make up for the lost revenue, repay our debt and keep growing. But, somehow, no matter how hard we tried, our efforts simply didn’t add up. We consistently kept missing our quarterly growth targets. And soon, we were caught in the throes of cash flow issues that began to affect our team’s morale and its performance. All this while, month on month, our debt kept growing.

We were in our late 30s then. And we found our business challenges to be very stressful. Besides, we were keen to understand what was “lacking” in our efforts and why Life was being “unfair” to us.

These questions, and this urge to “somehow fix our problems”, led us to astrology – and to Balan Nair. We went to him thinking that an astrologer “solves” their clients’ problems. Clearly, we were uninformed.

Looking at our horoscopes, and after quickly doing a few mathematical calculations, Balan Nair accurately described our circumstances. He spoke about us being in debt and answered all the questions that we had in our mind. He said that our efforts would bear fruit – but only over time. Importantly, he did not advise us to conduct any special poojai or ritual to propitiate a higher energy.

On the contrary, through answering a question that we had, he helped us better understand the unalterable cosmic design that shapes our lives.

Around then, AVIS wore rings on two of his fingers. They had “special” gems set in them to “help protect us during difficult times”. He was not convinced with the idea of wearing those rings. But he still wore them because a friend had strongly recommended them. We also thought that we were not losing anything by AVIS wearing those rings.

That day, AVIS showed Balan Nair his rings and asked for his opinion on their utility.

Balan Nair laughed heartily first. He then asked: “Kallaala vidhiya maatra mudiyuma, Saar?” “Can a stone change your destiny, Sir?”

We stared at him in silence. True, how could a pre-ordained Life design be altered by wearing a stone set in a ring? The absurdity of our choice and our expectation became evident to us in a nanosecond. We felt woefully stupid.

Balan Nair continued, answering his own question: “Bhakti ala matrum mudiyum.” “Only devotion can change it.”

That was an awakening moment for us.

The devotion that Balan Nair was talking about was surely not religious or ritualistic fervor. As we continued to consult him, we found that he consistently advised both of us to stay devoted to the experience that we were going through. He told us: “You learn from experience what no university can ever teach you.”

​He had certainly known that our challenges would only mount. He had seen it all coming even when he studied our horoscopes for the first time. Sure enough, our firm went bankrupt and plunged us into a very, very dark space – where we had to deal with prolonged spells of worklessness, pennilessness and cluelessness. Through all this torturous darkness, we have clung on to Balan Nair’s advice. We have stayed devoted to our lived experiences and to the learnings that we gleaned from our journey. This approach has helped us to find purpose and evolve into being the happynesswalas™ that we are today. It has helped us keep the faith, taught us to be patient and to remain hopeful that, over time, we will bounce back, repay our debt and rebuild our material Life. (Read our story here.)  

​Understanding what astrology truly is
Over the many conversations that we have had with Balan Nair, we have learned that astrology cannot change your Life. In fact, no human intervention can alter your Life’s design. And astrology can’t solve your problems either. At best, astrology serves as a dashboard. Just as your car’s dashboard displays information on various parameters that can help you to drive your car safely and efficiently, astrology can enable you to lead your Life better. It can help you to deal with your problems better. But the critical aspect of leading your Life is, and will always be, only your responsibility. This means that you still have to work hard, deal with your circumstances and challenges, and make important, intelligent, choices and decisions.

Astrology is a science. It employs mathematical and astronomical data to compute the impact of planetary alignments on human Life. Good astrologers, like good doctors, are not charlatans or soothsayers. They are seers – they have seen Life and its inscrutable nature through the innumerable horoscopes that they have studied and advised upon.

​So, to us, astrology is a tool. It helps us take informed decisions. We use it the way we use a weather forecast or a smartphone.  If the weather forecast tells us that there are going to be showers, we may prefer staying indoors or we know that we will be better off carrying an umbrella when we go out. Surely, just because the weather forecast says a storm is coming, we don’t despair. It doesn’t mean that we stop living. It only means that we work on being better prepared, while learning to accept whatever’s happening with the weather. That’s really how astrology too is useful. Similarly, like how having a smartphone makes Life simpler, so does astrology. Of course, we can live without a smartphone. But when used intelligently, a smartphone is a must-have asset.

​Humble giant
We consider having known Balan Nair and having consulted him a precious blessing in our Life.

He was a master of the craft of astrology. Divinity spoke through him, just as it has flowed through S.P. Balasubrahmanyam’s or R.D. Burman’s or M.S. Subbulakshmi’s music. He had the brilliance of Viswanathan Anand. And the mastery of Roger Federer. Besides, he had Mother Teresa’s and Mahatma Gandhi’s compassion and simplicity. During the 70-odd years that he practiced astrology, Balan Nair remained relevant, much like how Asha Bhosle and Amitabh Bachchan are in cinema.

Yet, Balan Nair preferred maintaining a very low profile. You see, virtuosity bestows fame on some people. Some others become famous even without significant talent or skill. And a few choose to remain ordinary, unsung and unknown, despite their phenomenal genius. Balan Nair belonged to the third category. That’s why he was a humble giant.  

His ability to quickly, precisely, comprehend, review and comment on a person’s Life journey was profound. And unparalleled. He used the person’s birth date, and their place and time of birth to compute the specific period of time that they were going through. He did this manually – with paper and pen. He did not need a calculator. He never used a computer or smartphone. He completed his calculations in just a few minutes, using pure mathematics. Thousands of permutations and combinations are possible when considering astronomical data and planetary alignments in people’s horoscopes. It takes sheer genius and mastery to tell someone exactly how a specific set of planetary alignments can impact them and how they can cope better with their Life. And Balan Nair was not just quick at doing this, he also never quite made a mistake. He was sharp, accurate and honest. Always.

Although Chennai had been his home for most of his Life, Balan Nair hailed from a small village called Kuzhalmannam near Palakkad, in Kerala. He was trained in astrology by his guru and uncle Kannan Nair who was a renowned astrologer in the first half of the 20th century. The uncle passed on much of his knowledge to his nephew in the oral tradition. But Balan Nair also studied mathematics, Sanskrit, Malayalam, Tamil and the Vedic scriptures. He was well-versed in ancient Indian astrologer and astronomer Varahamihira’s seminal work, Brihat Jatakam. This work is considered the bible of the science of astrology. It has 28 chapters that contain 407 shlokas (verses in Sanskrit). Balan Nair appeared to know this work by heart. Years and years of disciplined practice, and devotion to his own craft, had undoubtedly made him an expert. That’s why he never really needed to refer to any books or additional material when he spoke. He presented insights and perspectives from memory. His wisdom came from deep within him: From the inner recesses of the enormous quantum of knowledge he had devoured and from all the matchless experience he had gained.

However, Balan Nair’s greatest proficiency lay in his deep understanding of the process of Life, of the way we humans experience it. So he exactly knew how people were feeling when they came to him. The wealthy, the powerful, the poor, the ordinary, the mighty and the meek – everyone came to him. And he met everyone. Most people came to him for the first time only when they were in distress. They came to him seeking answers. They felt Life was confounding and inscrutable, and they came wanting to desperately make sense of it. Balan Nair was gentle with whoever came to him. He treated them with care, compassion and generosity. We believe that he had absolute clarity about his role on the planet: It was to employ his spiritual talent – his expertise in astrology – to help people navigate their Life journeys better. He wasn’t in it for money. He wasn’t in it for fame. He was in it because it was his Life, it was his purpose.

In all these 20 years that we have consulted him, never once did he ask for a fee. He merely accepted whatever we offered him.

Clearly, for us, his empathy and compassion were bigger than his astrological genius. For instance, he never told us in April 2004 that we would have to deal with an enduring bankruptcy, over such a long period of time. But he also never sugarcoated the truth: He did tell us that we would have to face severe problems. Indeed, we have often wanted him to be brutally honest with us. But he practiced his craft with a rare sensitivity. So he spared us the grave details. But whenever we met him, he knew that he had to goad us to hang in there. And stay hopeful. Which is why he would always say that our efforts would bear fruit, and our Life would change, over time.

His greatness did not just lie in his ability to quickly make complex calculations. Having done that, he would masterfully recite the most appropriate shloka, or use a powerful metaphor, that would help the person understand their situation better – in a simple, easy-to-grasp manner.

“Varandu pona bhoomi la, oru sottu thanni vizhinda mathiri irrukkum.” “You will feel the relief that a parched land experiences when a drop of water falls on it.”

“Pasi pokkarthukku, oru tea, oru bun kidaykkum.” “You will get just enough to eat when you are feeling ravenous.”

​Balan Nair is a shining example of what happens when you take what you love doing and make it your entire Life. Through disciplined practice, you become better and better at your craft. And over time you become a master. You then soak in that mastery, in the limitless joy that it gives you, working day after day, until your last breath, to enrich the lives of fellow humans with your knowledge and craft.

​The way he lived his Life also teaches us the value of staying grounded, humble and ethical – no matter how talented we are. For instance, he answered the phone personally and set up or rescheduled his appointments himself. He chose not to have an assistant. He was also exceptionally ethical. He never used the information and insights he had to manipulate us. We have known of skilled astrologers who have manipulated their clients using the levers of religion and ritual. But Balan Nair never did that. His ethical stance may have surely cost him financially. Yet, it was this quality in him that grew his aura beyond compare and made him the only one of a kind. We never got a chance to talk to him about how he saw himself. But, from the way he conducted himself, with grace and humility, he perhaps never believed that he was the greatest astrologer. Even so, great astrology was being practiced, ethically, brilliantly, through him. This is possible only when divinity expresses itself through its few chosen, deserving human instruments. 

Spiritual guide
Balan Nair’s astrological insights have definitely helped us to navigate our prolonged crisis. But we have been influenced even more by his spiritual perspectives. They have guided us to find inner strength and see the light within us in the darkest of times.

Specifically, conversations with him have taught us to respect three important factors that impact human Life. These three factors are called kaalam, kadavul and karunai in Tamil. Balan Nair believed that a deep understanding of these factors is crucial to get through Life’s journey, to cross the choppy seas of worldly human existence.

We have both internalized our understanding of these factors thus:  

• Kaalam means time. We have learned that we are all a product of the time that we go through. So we must respect time. In fact, we must worship time. Because it is all-powerful, ever-changing and has this quality of constantly humbling all forms of creation, humans included.
• Kadavul means God. To us, as it did to Balan Nair perhaps, kadavul goes beyond the popular idea of God. It points to the divinity that shapes the lives of all forms of creation on the planet. We have learned to love and celebrate the essence of divinity – in each of us, in humanity, all around us and in Nature.
• Karunai means compassion. In the context of a compassionate divine force, grace is a more appropriate meaning for karunai. Grace is the higher energy that flows from the fountainhead of divinity and powers the universe. The truth is that all our lives are soaked in divine grace. Look at your own Life. There’s irrefutable evidence of grace in it too: You have always got what you have needed. Always. Even though you may not have got what you wanted. To feel the presence of grace though, you must practice gratitude daily. You must be grateful for what you have.

Over the last two decades, we have learned to worship time, divinity and grace with complete bhakti, devotion. And we have surrendered to Life. We have learned that Life happens in cycles of time. Simply, what goes up in one cycle, comes down in the next, only to go up again in yet another cycle. Such is Life.

​Surrendering to Life does not mean inaction. It means trusting Life’s cyclical process and going with the flow. It means making your best efforts every single day and remaining non-frustrated even when you don’t get the results that you expect.

In living our Life this way, we have also seen a predictable pattern among us humans. When we get what we want, we think we have been successful. And when we don’t get what we want, we think we have failed and conclude that Life has been unfair to us. Both points of view are best avoided if we intend being happy in Life. The truth is that we cause and control nothing – neither our successes, nor our failures. It is Life’s nature to express itself through a series of cycles that flow up and down, up and down, endlessly. As long as we accept Life for the way it is, we will be peaceful and happy no matter what circumstances we are placed in.

We both believe that Life is the greatest teacher. Which is why we spell it with a capital ‘L’. Through reflecting on our lived experiences, we have learned that every down cycle in Life, no matter how much time it takes, is there with a reason: It is there to make each of us stronger, wiser and happy. The very fact that we both are still around, that we are still in the game – of Life – is evidence of this truth.

Yes, we both are soldiering on. Despite the enduring bankruptcy. And despite the arrival of newer challenges that have made our journey even more painful. But we are not bitter with Life. We are, in fact, thriving. We are living a Life of purpose, Inspiring 'Happyness'™! A principal reason for this is Balan Nair’s profound influence on our Life. His timeless, priceless wisdom is a gift that our crisis has given us. We will cherish it forever. 

[Vaani and AVIS are the happynesswalas™. They are expert writers and biographers, accomplished speakers and conversationalists, and culture specialists. To know their fascinating story, click here.] 

​By the happynesswalas™, Vaani and AVIS

​9-minute read
Synopsis:
Life is a mind game. Forget about winning this game. No one can win against Life. But to even stay in the game, you must learn to tame your mind. You must be in control of your responses to your thoughts. And not allow your thoughts to control you.

In this blog post we share what we have learnt about the art of taming the human mind from our lived experience.

​We reflect on the wisdom of the Buddha, Kabir and Kannadasan, and explore some powerful ideas:

• How can we be non-suffering?
• Why must we tame and train the mind?
• And how do we do this?
• How can we find inner peace and Happiness in tumultuous and traumatic times?

Style guide: Vaani and AVIS spell Life with a capital ‘L’ and Happiness with a capital ‘H’. This is because both of them believe that Life is the greatest teacher and Happiness is the biggest wealth. However, when quoting the subjects of their writings, they use these two words without the accentuated capitalization of their first letters.

​Our friend is grieving the death of his young daughter.

It has been a year since she passed on. He calls AVIS frequently to share how he is feeling and AVIS plays the role of a good listener. It is difficult to see him go through so much pain and suffering though.
​
In the throes of thavippu
There is a word in Tamil called thavippu. It means suffering. But thavippu, in essence, has a grimmer connotation. It is a feeling that you experience in a dark, lonely, place within you. It is an unbearable ache that gnaws at your soul. It makes living feel pointless. It makes grace, prayer, divinity and other known forms of spiritual reasoning appear grossly inadequate. They turn irrelevant, in fact.

No one can escape thavippu. At some point in your Life, in your unique, personal context, you will experience and struggle with thavippu.

Just like our friend who is caught in its throes. 

He spoke to AVIS again yesterday. He said, “My mind is not peaceful. It is constantly throbbing with the same questions: ‘Why? Why me? Why us as a family? Why our child? Why now?’” He felt that he was traveling through a tunnel that was apparently endless. “It is inky black inside the tunnel. There is no light in sight,” he added. He wondered what was the way out for him.

We are glad that our friend reached out and sought perspective. That itself is a sign that he is seeking help to climb out of the dark depths of grief.

While thavippu is a natural human response to a traumatic situation, we surely have the opportunity to choose to be non-suffering. We can be non-suffering by dropping the ‘why’ questions in Life: ‘Why? Why me? Why me now?’

Asking these questions is not wrong. All these are normal questions that human beings crave answers for in any context. But asking these questions is futile. Because Life is never going to answer them. You see, pain is integral to the process of Life. You don’t get to choose pain. It will always arrive uninvited, unannounced and will stay on for as long as it wants to. We add suffering to any painful situation by asking the ‘why’ questions.

Consider the example of a headache. Surely it is painful. But instead of dealing with the pain, we bring suffering upon ourselves the moment we start asking the ‘why’ questions: ‘Why do I have this headache? Why now? Why?’ Suffering almost always makes an already painful situation unbearable. Choosing to be non-suffering is an intelligent way of dealing with pain.

The truth is that we humans cannot fight Life’s design. For instance, when someone’s time is up, they just have to go.  When this understanding is complete, there will be a realization that carrying on grieving is futile. That’s when you exercise the choice to be non-suffering. However, being non-suffering does not mean that there will be no pain. You cannot negotiate with pain. You have to simply accept it. But when you are non-suffering your ability to accept pain and deal with it improves significantly.

​Reaching this point of choosing to be non-suffering requires some serious effort from the individual, from you. In most painful situations, we humans are held hostage by the turbulent mind. Now, the only way to deal with Life’s upheavals, and to learn to remain unmoved despite all that Life throws at you, is to work on your mind. On your thoughts. We know this from our own lived experience. Once you are aware of what you are thinking, and you are able to control your responses to your thoughts, you can experience equanimity and inner peace in any situation. 

​​Drunken monkeys
Simply, Life is a mind game. Forget about winning this game. No one can win against Life. But to even stay in the game, you must learn to tame your mind. You must be in control of your responses to your thoughts. And not allow your thoughts to control you.

The Buddha is known to have referred to the human mind as a place that is infested with drunken monkeys. What he meant was that while monkeys by nature are boisterous, imagine the havoc that drunken monkeys can create.

Modern scientific research reveals that the human mind, on average, thinks up 60,000 thoughts daily. These thoughts are randomly swarming the mind every single day. The Buddha referred to most of these random thoughts as drunken monkeys.

​He was surely right. Like drunken monkeys would screech, chatter and jump around endlessly, most of our thoughts too are rushing through our mind wildly – they are restless, chaotic and unrestrained. Fear, anxiety, guilt, worry, anger, jealously, self-pity, temptation, hatred, sadness and frustration – these are some of the dominant and drunken monkeys. The mind thinks up quieter, calmer thoughts too. These are thoughts of Happiness, grace, gratitude, peace, love and compassion. But, like in any other context, the exuberant, bullying types dominate the space they inhabit. So the human mind is controlled by the drunken monkeys. This is why the human mind rarely finds peace or Happiness or celebrates grace and abundance in everyday Life. Whereas, it is incessantly steeped in worry or held hostage by debilitating thoughts – fear, anger, guilt, grief, hatred and jealousy, among several others. Understandably, therefore, most of humanity is more unhappy than happy. 

​Don’t be led by the mind
Kabir, the 15th century weaver-poet, describes the restless nature of the mind and warns against being led by it:
Mann lobhi mann lalchi mann chanchal mann chor,
Mann ke maate mat chaliye, mann palak palak mein aur.

It means:
The mind is greedy, the mind is avaricious,
The mind is fickle, the mind is a thief.
Don’t be led by your mind,
Because the mind changes every moment, in the blink of an eye.

Kabir calls the unsteady, wavering mind a thief because it robs you of your inner peace. The inference is that you cannot be anchored, calm and peaceful, if you keep responding to every thought that arises in your mind. Well, if you did that,  you will possibly be pulled in 60,000 different directions – daily!

Actually, think of the untrained human mind as an untrained dog. When a dog is not trained, it will tug at the leash and lead you to wherever it feels like going. Similarly, an untrained mind is running around in a frenzy. Fearful in one moment, angry in another, greedy and jealous at some time, and anxious and worried in yet another moment. All this aimless, uncontrolled, hyperactivity, in fact, can leave you exhausted, exasperated, overwhelmed and very, very unhappy.

But there is a way you can transform this situation and learn to be calm and happy despite the circumstances. For that to happen, you must train the mind through a meditative practice.

The key is to organize your 60,000 thoughts daily. Normally, these thoughts are in a state of constant chaos. When you become aware of the debilitating nature of a majority of these thoughts, you will realize that they must not be given any attention. Worry and fear, for instance, are powerless when you don’t give them any importance, when you don’t pick up those thoughts. Instead, when you learn to give attention to thoughts of grace, love, compassion, Happiness and peace, you will naturally feel calm and content with the Life you have.

Almost all our thoughts arise from our circumstances and experiences. You lose someone or something, you are bound to feel sad. You realize you made a mistake, you are likely to experience guilt. Someone lets you down, you will naturally get angry. You must not push away these feelings. In fact, you must hold them up and ask yourself if they are making you feel good or feel lousy. Invariably all debilitating thoughts make us feel unhappy. Importantly, when you understand the futility of holding on to thoughts that are making you unhappy and are injurious to your mental health, you will instantly set them down. Because, intrinsically, you dislike being unhappy, stressed, anxious and overwhelmed.

​The good news is that the human mind is like the human body. It responds well to training. A trained mind obeys its master – you. And when they are not given any attention and importance, the drunken monkeys, sloshed that they are, pass out. That is, the debilitating thoughts become powerless. They no longer control you. 

​Amazing return on investment
We both practice mouna, a form of meditation. This practice does not require us to find a quiet place and be in a certain posture to meditate. It simply calls for us to be silent for a certain period of time daily – doing what we love doing.

This practice is easy to understand and simple to follow. You just have to do what you love doing – for at least an hour daily. It can be practicing music, art, writing, cooking, dancing, gardening or whatever else you love doing. What is important is that you must not sleep. Ideally, when you are indulging in the activity, you must be silent. Which means that you must not engage with others around you verbally. But, of course, when you are practicing music, you may surely sing. Also, the activity you choose need not be what you normally do at work, and yet, it must be something that makes you lose track of time, and even yourself. It must be immersive.

In essence, the practice of mouna is this:

• Be silent.
• Do what you love doing for at least an hour daily.

And this is what you will experience: You will lose yourself to the process. You will lose track of time. You will let go of the worldly issues that worry you and hold you hostage. You will be non-worrying, non-frustrated and non-suffering. And so you will be happy in the moment, celebrating your love for what you love doing.
Now, for one hour of your time daily, wouldn’t that be an amazing return on investment?

​When you experience the power of mouna, you will want to do more and more of what you love doing. That will, in turn, make you calm and happy no matter what situation you are facing in Life. 

​The antidote to fear, worry and anxiety
Kannadasan, the legendary Tamil poet, recommends precisely this approach to help us navigate through the upheavals of everyday, turbulent, worldly Life.

He wrote this song for the Tamil film, Sumaithaangi (1962):
Makayamma, kalakkamma?
Manathile kozhappama?
Vazhkaiyyil nadukkama?
Vazhkaiyendral aayiram irrukkum,
Vasal thorum vedanai irrukkum.
Vandha thunbam ethuvendralum,
Vaadi nindral oduvathuillai.
Ethayum thangum idhayam irunthaal,
Iruthivaraikkum amaithi irrukkum.
Yezhai manathai maaligai aaki,
Iravum pagalum kaaviyam paadi,
Nalai pozhuthai iraivannukku alithu,
Nadukkum vazhvil amaidiyai thedu,
Onakkum keezhe ullavar kodi,
Ninaithu paaru, nimmadi naadu.

It means:
Are you confused, confounded, distraught, lost and fearful in Life?
Know that everyone has their share of pain, sorrows, grief and challenges. By allowing yourself to be beaten and pinned down by your circumstances, your problems are not going to disappear. Instead, if you have a strong heart, you can possibly last the course of this lifetime.

Now, how does one develop a strong heart, you may wonder. Kannadasan recommends that you focus on doing what you love doing. Of course, in the song, he refers to writing poetry, as that was what he loved doing. But you could surely do what you love doing, do whatever makes you come alive.

Kannadasan continues:
The impoverished mind must be transformed into an abundant palace by doing what you love doing. Do this day in and day out and make this doing, this process of enjoying what you love doing, an offering to your inner God. That’s the way to inner peace in any given circumstance. Also, spend a moment reflecting on the innumerable people who are faced with bigger challenges in Life. Then count your blessings, be grateful and be content with what you have.

Kannadasan’s reference to the impoverished mind is important. He is pointing to that fact that the mind that is caught in the throes of thavippu, or that which is held hostage by debilitating thoughts, is impoverished. And so he invites us to consider filling this mind with thoughts of abundance, by doing what we love doing, and transforming it into a palace. We must not do this for fame or money or seek anything in return. He suggests that we must follow this routine selflessly, day in and day out, making each day’s effort an offering to our inner God.

​Clearly, when the God within you feels satiated, you feel fulfilled. You can then only be happy.

Happiness is the way
We have wholeheartedly embraced this idea of training the mind, by doing what we love doing, prescribed by Kannadasan. And we have greatly benefited from it. We find that his advice is not just poetically brilliant, it is downright practical.

In fact, going through a crippling bankruptcy for 16 years is not easy. Yet we have not just survived, we are thriving because we have learned to be happy despite our challenging circumstances. This is how we awoke to our Life’s purpose of Inspiring ‘Happyness’™! This is how we learned that Happiness is being non-worrying, non-frustrated and non-suffering. This is how we are the happynesswalas™ today.

What we both have also realized, through exploring the journeys of others and from our own lived experience, is that no matter how hard you try to protect yourself, your Life’s journey is bound to have its share of lows, loss, pain, grief and darkness. Such is Life. So the only way you can navigate your way through Life’s upheavals is by staying anchored and calm. And that can happen only by learning to train your mind through doing what you love doing.

Like a gardener would tend to their garden by diligently weeding it, you have to weed your mind by putting the drunken monkeys to sleep. This is a daily process. And no matter how well the previous day went, you start over every new day. In fact, with discipline and diligence, you can perfect this process into an art.

​Remember: Only when the drunken monkeys sleep, is your mind calm and you are peaceful – and happy.

[Vaani and AVIS are the happynesswalas™. They are expert writers and biographers, accomplished speakers and conversationalists, and culture specialists. To know their fascinating story, click here.] 
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